


Parental Bonding

by CicadianRhythm



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dialoglog, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 19:11:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2439704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CicadianRhythm/pseuds/CicadianRhythm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose, Dirk, Dave and Roxy take a moment to chat. <br/>As with most family reunions, the conversation would be horrifying if everyone wasn't so damn used to it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Parental Bonding

ROXY: word on the streets youve been sayin things bout hot moms  
ROXY: possibly relatin to our dear janey  
ROXY: and a lil pervy ARlien may have let slip a detailed convo bout a lil birdys own interest in special friends  
ROXY: sacre bl00 is this a pattern im seein  
DAVE: hey I object mr. puffin stuffs wacky space boat adventures featured this dave at no point in time   
DAVE: and I'm an authority on time   
DAVE: time is essentially my entire shit  
ROXY: I am wigglin these eyebrows all kinds of hard at u right now dave  
DAVE: yeah I know also I kinda dated an alien death lawyer for a while so wow there goes your pattern wow look at it soar  
ROXY: hey im not here to judge, I know that feel dirks bro  
ROXY: that fams packin some srs fine in those genes  
ROXY: theyre rockin those genes like daisy dukes  
ROXY: those genes are fuckin couture  
ROXY: even janeys dad its redonkles  
ROXY: like ur expectin to see half the equation  
ROXY: relaxed fit acid washed genes  
ROXY: hello waiter this genetic soup is lukewarm  
ROXY: but no these bbs went thru a full steam n starch  
ROXY: u could stand these genes up and theyd saunter sexily away  
ROXY: commiserate w me dave  
ROXY: friends dont let friends worship 4bidden dad booty alone  
DAVE: cant say ive been lighting pipes for the guy  
DAVE: my knowledge tops out at there are clowns everywhere dave send help  
ROXY: u would light so many pipes for him  
ROXY: wed be drownin in sex cancer  
DAVE: well shit  
DAVE: where is this erotic muskox of a man  
DAVE: lemme pull on all my slinkiest daddy issues were goin dancin tonight

ROSE: The resemblance really is uncanny.  
DIRK: I’m not sure paradox space can take them both.  
ROSE: No reality could hold their combined burden.  
ROSE: We’re probably doomed.

DAVE: no really put your back into it  
DAVE: oooooh janes dad  
ROXY: oooooooooh mr janeys dad  
DAVE: yeah like that

DIRK: To be fair, we were probably doomed anyway.  
ROSE: Ah, but then we were only mostly doomed.  
DIRK: You do know that was Jake’s fake me quoting Princess Bride, right?  
ROSE: And you believe that was a misrepresentation of not fake you?  
DIRK: Ok, new rule.  
DIRK: Therapist voice is verboten.  
ROSE: You will never speak to me about puppets.  
DIRK: Deal.  
DIRK: And it was fucking slander is what it was.  
DIRK: No Dirk existing solely through the belief of a boy glowing in a hope ball who imagined him to fight a sexually aggressive ancient teenage spider alien is going to quote the revenge scene.  
DIRK: That shit calls for a duel to the pain.

 

ROXY: u kno ive always had a sweet tooth  
DAVE: well young lady youre welcome to any of my ridiculous number of cakes  
ROXY: hmm u sure u dont have anything  
ROXY: sweeter

DIRK: Did he really date a death lawyer?  
ROSE: He did.  
ROSE: I myself pursued an alien vampire tasked with the revival of her species.  
DIRK: How did that go?  
ROSE: As far as I know, we are probably still dating.  
DIRK: Ah.  
DIRK: I know that feel Roxy's mom.  
ROSE: Do you?  
DIRK: My last relationship was mostly me making an idiot of myself trying to manage a divergent realization of my conscientiousness that lived in my shades and didn’t understand boundaries.  
ROSE: I suppose you do, then.  
DIRK: Yep.

 

ROXY: no my dearest, I cant possbly satisfy yr ragin hot bod, not with so many taxes to pay!  
DAVE: oh read them to me daddy  
DAVE: i wanna hear about your long  
DAVE: hard  
DAVE: deductible business expenses

ROSE: She died for a little while.  
ROSE: Then she came back to life and cut the boy who killed her in half with a chainsaw.  
DIRK: Sounds like a nice girl.  
ROSE: Yeah.  
ROSE: She really is.

DAVE: hi so into you  
DAVE: im dad  
ROXY: holy shit dave we are gonna be the best family ever  
DAVE: fucking straight we will


End file.
